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But heres your opportunity for you, my functional alcoholic date, to drink for free, rub iPhones with the 1%, and argue about which Equinox bathroom is cleanest. Care to take me up?
Here is a brief list of things Ive actually seen or heard, at similar types of events:
- A girl pee into a cup, place it on a shelf, and say, "I hope someone drinks this in the morning."
- "Its been a while, I havent seen you since we were doing bumps off golf tees in the Hamptons!"
- Man: "Oh my God, have I really not touched a penny in three years?"
- A Harvard grad say that her colleague educated at Columbia had been, "you know, slumming it."
- Two sons of Cuban immigrants debate about who would deport Hispanics faster
Look, all I want is a date with whom I can share increasingly alarmed glances and who will not be an embarrassment when we inevitably appear in the NYT wedding announcements. Disclaimer: Its okay if "the bride is keeping her woman seeking fucking dating dating parties name," Im a progressive.
If interested, please respond with your basic details (boarding school, favorite UBS banker, etc.) and the last thing you ordered on Seamless.

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